Most mornings are great; I’m a happy boy! Living in Idaho, in the summer, most mornings are even better than great. This morning was particularly special, as I found in my inbox, this message from an ex-colleague:
I miss working with you so very much…you are honest and reliable and you always made me feel validated….you know “fake it till you make it” and hoping no one finds out that you really suck????? You made me feel like I never suck and that what I said had value. I have never known someone like you Vince…you are totally the bomb!!!! I mean it!!! I can’t say in words how valuable it is to know someone like you!!! Thank you for being my ally! know I will always have good things to say about you…always!!
False humility says “I didn’t deserve that glowing praise!” And yet, what did I do to elicit that message?
As leaders (not just managers) we are responsible for the development of our people and our organizations. I keep that in mind, and for me, development equals meaning. But again I ask, “what did I do?” There are three distinct behaviors that might have led to this.
1) 1:1 meetings. Yes, I still hold 1:1 meetings! I’ve held them in every single position I had since my first resident assistant (RA) job in which I was required to attend those. Occasionally a new (outside student affairs of course!) supervisor has queried me: “Vince, don’t you think you are spending too much time individually with your staff? Couldn’t you get that done more efficiently in a staff meeting??
No. I couldn’t. 1:1 meetings take time but the ROI is always
greater than I expect. Last year, a (different) colleague told me:
“Vince, I want to tell you this. I never had 1:1s with my bosses
before. I didn’t like the idea at first, but now I come away energized.
I look forward to these. I truly, if I ever hold a supervisor role,
will hold 1:1 meetings with my staff! Bottom line, it says to me, even
though you are a busy man, I am important enough for you to keep me on
your schedule. That is super meaningful for me”
Another colleague, following me as supervisor when I left an
organization once, called me after a few weeks and during our
conversation said:
“Vince, I have a new appreciation for supervising. I’ve just completed
my first week of 1:1s and I gotta’ ask, how did you keep all of us
straight?!”
She went on to say how she realized that these meetings might be even more important than strategic-task-out meetings with the entire staff.
Back to the present. The ex-colleague that sent this message and I had frequent conversations about “Imposter Syndrome” in which we shared self-doubt. That isn’t something I want to do at a full-on staff meeting. Vulnerability is necessary, but it just works better on a small-scale stage.
Sure, I’ve had a staff that was quantitatively too large to have weekly 1:1 meetings; even with 27 (to date, my largest staff) direct reports, I still maged to hold those meetings monthly.
2) Owning my mistakes. I read a quote attributed to Ben Franklin back in 1999; yes, I marked that day even then, because I immediately recognized that quote inspired what was to be a turning point in my life and career.
He that is good for excuses is seldom good for anything else.
Up until that point, I was quite proud of my ability to BS my way out of any situation. I took it as a compliment that a colleague had once said, “Vince can talk his way out of anything.”
That quote still resonates with me today (which is why it is on every email I send out) and reminds me that it is good to make a different mistake, frequently. I communicate this “philosophy” to my staff, and we do have times at meetings when we share our victories of the week and our learning moments of the week.
Owning my mistakes allows me to set the examples of admitting, learning, not beating myself up, and moving on.
3) Transparency. I really “don’t care that you don’t mind” as Brad Roberts crooned. What you see is what you get, a LOT of passion, compassion, and effectiveness. But that is public.
I worked with Japanese for several years. Often, my boss, the company president would tell me, “Binchan (literal translation–“little girl Vince”–but that’s another story!) don’t be so straight.”
It did take me a few years to figure out what was “okay to share” and what was supposed to be “for our ears only.” My Southern, Mississippi family taught me, “if it has to be secret, it probably ain’t right.” I still believe that, but I am learning (and struggle at times) to be diplomatic too. I recognize that there are points in processes that are not always appropriate for “full disclosure.”
But I am transparent, particularly with my staff. If something is not up for debate, I let that be known at once. Because my staff trusts me, they don’t question the rare time that might happen.
One positive outcome of transparency is dependability. I will do what I said, when I said, or you know something is out of my control. Period.
The other good part of transparency is that my staff is able to help me develop. Yeah, I typed that. My staff helps me grow, learn, become better, and feel good. Once my staff knows how much I care about our team growth, our organizational success, and I’ve shared (an appropriate amount of) “stuff” about myself, they begin to foster my personal and professional development.
I have to be cool with my staff members “calling me” on anything.
This message, the one that prompted me to write today, is a glowing example of my former colleague spurring my development. I shared with her, several times, how it is vitally important (for me) to know that others appreciate my efforts, even though my “don’t care that you don’t mind” philosophy stubbornly hangs on in daily practice.
This morning I am grateful for the reminder that I do make a difference; that is truly meaningful.