{"id":742,"date":"2013-08-03T18:09:47","date_gmt":"2013-08-03T18:09:47","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/nixhome.com\/?p=742"},"modified":"2018-11-19T18:37:16","modified_gmt":"2018-11-19T18:37:16","slug":"why-fake-it-instead-make-it-meaningful","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/nixhome.com\/index.php\/2013\/08\/03\/why-fake-it-instead-make-it-meaningful\/","title":{"rendered":"Why fake it? Instead \u201cmake it\u201d meaningful"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><strong>Most mornings are great<\/strong>;\n I\u2019m a happy boy!  Living in Idaho, in the summer, most mornings are \neven better than great.  This morning was particularly special, as I \nfound in my inbox, this message from an ex-colleague:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image\"><img data-recalc-dims=\"1\" loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"819\" height=\"614\" src=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/nixhome.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/11\/IMG_0143.jpg?resize=819%2C614&#038;ssl=1\" alt=\"\" class=\"wp-image-744\" srcset=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/nixhome.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/11\/IMG_0143.jpg?resize=1024%2C768&amp;ssl=1 1024w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/nixhome.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/11\/IMG_0143.jpg?resize=300%2C225&amp;ssl=1 300w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/nixhome.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/11\/IMG_0143.jpg?resize=768%2C576&amp;ssl=1 768w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/nixhome.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/11\/IMG_0143.jpg?w=1638&amp;ssl=1 1638w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/nixhome.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/11\/IMG_0143.jpg?w=2457&amp;ssl=1 2457w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 819px) 100vw, 819px\" \/><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><em>I miss working with you so very much\u2026you are honest and reliable \nand you always made me feel validated\u2026.you know \u201cfake it till you make \nit\u201d and hoping no one finds out that you really suck????? You made me \nfeel like I never suck and that what I said had value. I have never \nknown someone like you Vince\u2026you are totally the bomb!!!! I mean it!!! I\n can\u2019t say in words how valuable it is to know someone like you!!! Thank\n you for being my ally! know I will always have good things to say about\n you\u2026always!!<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><strong>False humility<\/strong> says \u201cI didn\u2019t deserve that glowing praise!\u201d  And yet, what did I do to elicit that message?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">As leaders (not just managers) we are responsible for the development\n of our people and our organizations. I keep that in mind, and for me, \ndevelopment equals meaning.  But again I ask, \u201cwhat did I do?\u201d  There \nare three distinct behaviors that might have led to this.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image\"><img data-recalc-dims=\"1\" loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"819\" height=\"546\" src=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/nixhome.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/11\/clark-tibbs-367075-unsplash.jpg?resize=819%2C546&#038;ssl=1\" alt=\"\" class=\"wp-image-745\" srcset=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/nixhome.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/11\/clark-tibbs-367075-unsplash.jpg?resize=1024%2C683&amp;ssl=1 1024w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/nixhome.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/11\/clark-tibbs-367075-unsplash.jpg?resize=300%2C200&amp;ssl=1 300w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/nixhome.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/11\/clark-tibbs-367075-unsplash.jpg?resize=768%2C512&amp;ssl=1 768w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/nixhome.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/11\/clark-tibbs-367075-unsplash.jpg?w=1638&amp;ssl=1 1638w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/nixhome.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/11\/clark-tibbs-367075-unsplash.jpg?w=2457&amp;ssl=1 2457w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 819px) 100vw, 819px\" \/><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><strong>1) 1:1 meetings. <\/strong> Yes, I still hold 1:1 meetings!  \nI\u2019ve held them in every single position I had since my first resident \nassistant (RA) job in which I was required to attend those.  \nOccasionally a new (outside student affairs of course!) supervisor has \nqueried me: \u201cVince, don\u2019t you think you are spending too much time \nindividually with your staff?  Couldn\u2019t you get that done more \nefficiently in a staff meeting??<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">No.  I couldn\u2019t.  1:1 meetings take time but the ROI is always \ngreater than I expect.  Last year, a (different) colleague told me:<br>\n\u201cVince, I want to tell you this.  I never had 1:1s with my bosses \nbefore.  I didn\u2019t like the idea at first, but now I come away energized.\n  I look forward to these.  I truly, if I ever hold a supervisor role, \nwill hold 1:1 meetings with my staff!  Bottom line, it says to me, even \nthough you are a busy man, I am important enough for you to keep me on \nyour schedule.  That is super meaningful for me\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Another colleague, following me as supervisor when I left an \norganization once, called me after a few weeks and during our \nconversation said:<br>\n\u201cVince, I have a new appreciation for supervising.  I\u2019ve just completed \nmy first week of 1:1s and I gotta\u2019 ask, how did you keep all of us \nstraight?!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">She went on to say how she realized that these meetings might be even\n more important than strategic-task-out meetings with the entire staff.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Back to the present.  The ex-colleague that sent this message and I \nhad frequent conversations about \u201cImposter Syndrome\u201d in which we shared \nself-doubt.  That isn\u2019t something I want to do at a full-on staff \nmeeting.  Vulnerability is necessary, but it just works better on a \nsmall-scale stage. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Sure, I\u2019ve had a staff that was quantitatively too large to have \nweekly 1:1 meetings; even with 27 (to date, my largest staff) direct \nreports, I still maged to hold those meetings monthly.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><strong>2) Owning my mistakes.<\/strong>  I read a quote attributed to\n Ben Franklin back in 1999; yes, I marked that day even then, because I \nimmediately recognized that quote inspired what was to be a turning \npoint in my life and career.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><em>He that is good for excuses is seldom good for anything else.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Up until that point, I was quite proud of my ability to BS my way out\n of any situation.  I took it as a compliment that a colleague had once \nsaid, \u201cVince can talk his way out of anything.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">That quote still resonates with me today (which is why it is on every\n email I send out) and reminds me that it is good to make a different \nmistake, frequently.  I communicate this \u201cphilosophy\u201d to my staff, and \nwe do have times at meetings when we share our victories of the week and\n our learning moments of the week.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Owning my mistakes allows me to set the examples of admitting, learning, not beating myself up, and moving on.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><strong>3) Transparency. <\/strong> I really \u201cdon\u2019t care that you \ndon\u2019t mind\u201d as Brad Roberts crooned.  What you see is what you get, a \nLOT of passion, compassion, and effectiveness.  But that is public.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">I worked with Japanese for several years.  Often, my boss, the \ncompany president would tell me, \u201cBinchan (literal translation\u2013\u201clittle \ngirl Vince\u201d\u2013but that\u2019s another story!) don\u2019t be so straight.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">It did take me a few years to figure out what was \u201cokay to share\u201d and\n what was supposed to be \u201cfor our ears only.\u201d  My Southern, Mississippi \nfamily taught me, \u201cif it has to be secret, it probably ain\u2019t right.\u201d  I \nstill believe that, but I am learning (and struggle at times) to be \ndiplomatic too.  I recognize that there are points in processes that are\n not always appropriate for \u201cfull disclosure.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">But I am transparent, particularly with my staff.  If something is \nnot up for debate, I let that be known at once.  Because my staff trusts\n me, they don\u2019t question the rare time that might happen.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">One positive outcome of transparency is dependability.  I will do \nwhat I said, when I said, or you know something is out of my control.  \nPeriod. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">The other good part of transparency is that my staff is able to help \nme develop.  Yeah, I typed that.  My staff helps me grow, learn, become \nbetter, and feel good.  Once my staff knows how much I care about our \nteam growth, our organizational success, and I\u2019ve shared (an appropriate\n amount of) \u201cstuff\u201d about myself, they begin to foster my personal and \nprofessional development.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><strong>I have to be cool with my staff members \u201ccalling me\u201d on anything.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">This message, the one that prompted me to write today, is a glowing \nexample of my former colleague spurring my development.  I shared with \nher, several times, how it is vitally important (for me) to know that \nothers appreciate my efforts, even though my \u201cdon\u2019t care that you don\u2019t \nmind\u201d philosophy stubbornly hangs on in daily practice.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><strong>This morning I am grateful for the reminder that I do make a difference<\/strong>; that is truly meaningful.           <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Most mornings are great; I\u2019m a happy boy! Living in Idaho, in the summer, most mornings are even better [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":745,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[8,9],"tags":[6,7],"class_list":["post-742","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-leadership","category-reflection","tag-leadership","tag-reflection"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v28.4 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>Why fake it? 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